Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
