he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize