dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Reggie can tackle my bush.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
