grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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