I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Houston, we have a squirter
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Randomize
