and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
