I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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