how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
