I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
