I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize