i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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