? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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