I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
