My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
