Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
