So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
