Cold hands, warm shart.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
