Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
