1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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