He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
