i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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