yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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