Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
