He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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