Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
