So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
