sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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