she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
