One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
