I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
