went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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