if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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