When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
