how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
