I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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