i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
