hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
