I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
