Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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