No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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