So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
