Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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