some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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