I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
