is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
