i permit you to call me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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