Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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