my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
