I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
