i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
