Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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