you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
