Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have aggressive nipples.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
