Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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