Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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