Dude my mom stole all your condoms
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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