2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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