Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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