We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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