Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
