mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize