Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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