so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
