You made me cry and you don't even care
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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