i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
