Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
