My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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